How do i make this speech shorter, funnier and more memorable?

Hello (school). My name is Meg Perret and I want to be your next ASB secretary. So I actually had an entirely different speech written that mirrored the typical “qualifications checklist” speech, highlighting my diligence, organization, leadership and friendliness that anyone that has witnessed my bounding up to an unfamiliar face with the grand introduction of “HI! I’M MEG!!!!’ can attest to, but considering I had a near death experience over the weekend, yes your next secretary was almost your next tombstone, I decided to speak on this topic.





There I was, riding this huge white horse for the first time, jumping fences so huge that I found myself holding my breath in anticipation. Suddenly, after a 4 foot obstacle, he bolted, galloping so fast that I had a feeling of complete loss of control. I have ridden run away horses before, but this horse caused fear to pulse so strongly through my veins that I saw my life flashing through my eyes. Okay, maybe I am being a little bit dramatic, but in the moment, I was petrified. It was a had-to-be-there kind of moment.





Instead of doing something rash, like screaming at the top of my lungs “abandon ship!” and flinging myself from the horse’s back, I stayed calm and firmly asked the horse to slow down Without the prime connection between horse and rider, it truly would have been the death of me and I may have had to abandon ship after all. Horse back riding has taught me the importance of teamwork, listening while instructing. But remember for a second there, I seriously thought I was going to die.





Surprisingly, the first thing that came to mind was how much I would miss (school). I love this place, regardless of how much I complain about the computers in the library, or dress code, or general strictness of the rules. (school)has continually been my escape when other things have gone wrong in my life, meeting me with a kind smile when I needed one.





Freshmen, I remember the days when I was quite the little odd ball. Yes, I did some very strange, strange things, anyone one remember the princess crown? (school), you believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. Sophomores, sophomore year I gained a self confidence that has allowed me to keep a sense of myself that I know I will never loose. Who ever said that being a little quirky was a bad thing? Juniors, my fellow class mates, this year has taught me dedication and how to take joy in everything I do. Seniors, I am ready to take your position next year and show (school) how grateful I am for the tremendous personal growth this community has fostered.





President Kennedy said, “ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” Applying President Kennedy’s quote to my life, I asked myself the question “what can I do (school)” My answer to this call for action arose in running for this position. Community is about giving back, as much as it receiving. (school), you have given me plenty. Give me a chance to show you how much I love this place and how grateful I am to attend such a magnificent school. I have a tremendous faith in this community. I trust that your decision for your next secretary will be the choice that best fosters the heath of the community. Vote MEG PERRET for your next secretary, you won’t be disappointed.How do i make this speech shorter, funnier and more memorable?
MEG. YOUR SPEECH IS FINE. GO STUDY FOR BIO OR SOMETHING! geez.





just kidding. kinda. seriously, this is a good speech. you just need to stop worrying... you're going to do fine!